I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
