Do you still have your period?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
