Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
