Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
