Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
