hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
