i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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