apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
