I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I understand Curling. That high.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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