Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Randomize
