I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
