If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
