Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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