the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
