yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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