at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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