Need sex. Gaining weight.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
