Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
