Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Me too!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
