Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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