I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
