Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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