What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
