Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
