It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
What a dumb baby whore.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
