Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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