1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
