He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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