I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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