I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
