i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
