even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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