Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
