oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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