end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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