I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
