I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
