cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
