Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
