I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
