are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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