Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
