don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
