Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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