hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Randomize
