my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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