woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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