I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
