You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
