somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
