you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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