just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
