i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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