sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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