Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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