Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
