Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize