And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
