Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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