just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
