??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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