i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
