She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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