i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
did i walk over a car last night?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
