i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
