Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
What drink are we having for lunch?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
