forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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