your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
