does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize