Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
